Lowering Your Stock

Just about two months ago was my last post. I apologize for being so quiet it's been pretty hectic the past few weeks. I'm back now and trying to get back into the swing of things. I've been paying a lot of attention to myself and all these new things I'm noticing about myself emotionally as it pertains to women. Some of my fellas say I'm getting soft... I wouldn't go that far. I am however a little better at viewing things from other than my perspective. I'm hoping my writing reflects that in the future. This brings us to today where I want to touch on the issue of respect. There's a twist today though, it's not about I respect you or you respect me blah blah. This is more about how a woman can shoot herself in the foot.

I'm sure we all have a good idea about the basis of respect. You have to give it to get it and what not, but do we remain cognizant of this daily? I find myself taken aback sometimes with responses I get from women about certain things and I really  feel that women have a short memory. You as a man could be amazing to someone and you slip something up here or there, and their reaction to it is as if you've been horrible to them since day one. Am I alone on this? I hope not, I'm not ranting either, but for any women reading this; these things send messages. Guys have a lot lower tolerance than women for attitudes or let downs, I promise you. A reaction like the one I aforementioned would be a catalyst to you losing the respect of your interest.

I'll give you a great example; a personal one. I used to be into this one girl a while back. At that point in time I was just starting to talk to women more again because I finally settled my academic stuff. Now I had all this free time and I was able to address some thing about myself that I thought could use some change. Well I knew this fine woman, and we would talk, and I think the admiration was mutual, and it was cool just to kick it and talk to her. She had great things going for herself, independent , you know...the works! Somewhere along the this line I lost respect for this woman. How could this possibly happen?! Well while we were talking we had a conversation one day where she randomly said "I can't handle any relationship right now." I was like that's perfectly fine. I certainly wasn't pressing her for it. But about 2-3 weeks later I hit her up just to say hello and she's like "nothing much just chilling with my family from out of town and my boyfriend." I just looked at my phone and nodded okay. I replied "That sounds good." I then proceeded to never text her again...and she hasn't hit me since then.

My point is she knows what she did, and although I never pressed her for something serious she knew I thought she had much potential. We did the date thing that was fun and cute, we flirted  and that was fine and dandy. Ultimately you can't help but feel strung along. NO MAN likes that shit. If you're one of those women that just enjoy receiving attention even if you're not that into someone, you will continue to lose. Life has a way  of always making sure you get humbled. Stringing someone along will be the fastest way for you to lose the respect of a man. Be honest; we're too prideful to feel like we've wasted our time.

Conversely I remember talking to this one girl in undergrad who was cool, we went out once, we had a little crush on each other, but we wanted too different things. I was cool messing around keeping things light. She was ready for more stability. She didn't have sex with me then tell me this, as a matter of fact we never had sex. She called me downstairs one day to speak to me face to face. She said that she doesn't want to continue if we're going to want different things. I respected her honesty so much, I smiled, gave her a hug and told her don't even worry about it. I appreciated that honesty so much and till this day I'll always dig her for that. That's a mark of a woman, and a mark of maturity. She will always have my respect, because she respected me enough to not let things get to another point.

Of course these are just my thoughts, I've been meaning to write this for over a month, glad I could finally put it down. What's your thoughts?

Me? Married? Part 2

I would guess as a single male that this isn't the norm daily. By norm I mean finding your wife in lingerie as you come home from work. You see since I'm not married I can only fantasize about what my marriage would be like. Today's post is a follow up to yesterday's. Lately I've been thinking about my expectations of marriage. In my own stupid  little way it would be so cool to come home to my wife oiled up everyday like this lol. This however is unrealistic; I know this but we can all dream can't we?

Have you ever gave thought to the kind of person you need in your life? What type of characteristics must one possess for you to say "this is someone I can settle with."? Today I figured I fill you in on some qualities I would look for...you ready?

Humor- I have to laugh it's imperative to my life. We have to be able to have fun and act like total asses around each other.... I'm just jovial like that.

Generous- I would need to be with someone that was selfless because if I know one thing it's that sacrifice is necessary for growth in every facet of life.

Goal Oriented- My potential wife has to have some goals. I'm not saying she has to be a doctor. All I am saying is that she has to want to build and have some idea on how she's going to go about that.

Good Mother?- My potential wife has to want kids... because I want them. With that said, I would have to believe this woman would be a good mother and part of that goes back to being generous and sacrifice.

I by no means think this is being picky lol. Along with what I've just mentioned there are also some other little things that would be nice if my wife did.

This sounds pretty bad, but I really hope my wife is good with math and doesn't mind holding the kid(s) down with homework...I kinda just don't wanna do it lol. I also would love it if my wife did the dishes, I'm not a big dishes fan lol. Don't get all upset yet though because I will gladly cook and wash clothes lol. I know this sounds pretty funny but these are all things I think you should think about.

What kind of man/woman would you commit to?
Ever had these thoughts?
Think about it, and be good.

Me? Married?

If you're not aware, I'm a 23 year old male. There's a lot of things I would love to accomplish at this age and I'm working on some of them. I'm a recent college graduate so I'm learning on the job so to speak as I acclimate myself into the work force a bit. In the midst of all this you also learn about yourself. I find myself in deep thought at work when I have free time. I find myself thinking about the future. 23 is a funny age, I'm still getting many things situated and for some reason or another I feel like that should include my love life. It's been a long time since I ever made me being in a relationship a priority. I don't really think it should be one. I simply think you should want one and in the same breath be ready for what it brings. I reached a point where I've done so many things I've wanted to and now I can really give of myself to someone else.

The thoughts that actually preceded my thoughts of relationship were really of marriage. Believe it or not I think about marriage a lot. I'm someone that actually wants to be married and raise a child (maybe two) with someone. I've had an eclectic upbringing and I've seen many marriages work, and some not so much. My own parents divorced when I was 7. In the near future following that my father was no longer around. As much as my parent's marriage was quite tumultuous it never stopped me from wanting a marriage of my own. In my mind I always wanted to love a woman and have a marriage that worked. I believe in it, hard to explain why I always have.

Is it natural for a guy to think about these things at my age? Maybe I guess. The funny thing is that I  give thought to the actual wedding itself, I think about bachelor parties and the whole nine. Along with those things I also give thought to what kind of man I'm becoming. I want to be a great guy, that's my goal daily. I try to embody qualities that I think would always keep me eligible for someone. I try to remain a loyal person with integrity. I take pride in being responsible and making things happen. I do these things for myself and to insure some stability in my future. To be respected is everything to me.

I also give thought to the kind of husband I want to be. I've come a long way in being more understanding and sensitive to women and their ups and downs. I guess it comes with maturity and other ways that life seems to humble you. The mere fact that I'm able to type these thoughts out is a testament to my growth. Sharing feelings isn't always the easiest thing to do, I'm sure many of my readers know this.

This post isn't a PSA for wifey lol not in the least. This is really written  to be introspective. It's written for you to look into yourself and see what you are doing in your everyday life to ensure your own future. Are you doing what you need to in order to get what you want. I'd like a fine woman one day so naturally I got to be a fine man. I'm not saying the next woman I see has to be the wife, all I am saying is that the kind of mate I'd be would be a much better version than my past self. Knowing your shortcomings and and changing them is imperative to growth. Maybe I'm just glad to reach this level of comfort; it's good.

Do you all give marriage thought in detail? Let me know

Be good.

"Stay Here!"

I come today speaking on a common issue that men deal with. It's simple, I'm speaking of the woman men want to "know their place" and the women who don't want to play that part or don;t know that a guy placed them in that role. OUCH! I know this is some crazy sort of topic. You are simply going to have to stomach my bluntness on this. To put thing simply a lot of guys have two types of women. They have women they don't mind dating and what not and then they have women who they really only want to have sex with. Truth is that in the latter case that's all they want to be to that woman too. Now is it ever that cut and dry? Nope. Deception runs rampant between men and women, we try to be as verbally pleasing as possible cushioning each others emotions for our own peace of mind.

It pays to be clear on the kind of relationship you have with someone. The main reason why guys get upset with women who end up wanting more than what they want is because that woman isn't fully aware of your intentions. I had a friend in college who was aware of a girl I was dealing with and he knew that to me it wasn't anything serious. Here and there this girl wanted to really kick it on campus and I just wasn't with it. i wasn't mean about it, that's just not what i wanted to do. he affectionately named this girl "stay here" insinuating that all I need her to do is simply stay where she was and only come around when called upon. Now this was hilarious to me but in essence it's pretty cold right?

In my defense I was a hell of a lot younger but it taught me a lesson for the future. It continued to show me that you women got to but your foot down. When you're not clear about what's going on find out. To be a stay here kind of woman and not know it is probably one of the worst things ever. Being anything when you don't want to be is the worst thing ever to be honest. Don't be taken advantage of, and you allow that by not filling your own self in on your own situation. The key is assertiveness. Assertiveness elicits respect,and at the end of the day that's really what it's all about.

Protect Yourself At All Times

You let your guard down, then POW!!! Not a nice ending right? It sure as hell isn't so today I hope to help you avoid this as much as possible. I want to talk about what I feel is trust. I had a great conversation with a friend a few weeks back where he felt as if you can never fully trust anyone. I had to disagree with him. I couldn't possibly not fully trust someone whom I think I would marry. And I thought that point was relevant enough. I simply told my boy that you have to be realistic.

I truly feel that once you lose sense of what is reality you then leave yourself wide open for some sort of failure. I define trust as giving someone the opportunity to do right in whatever facet. I do not believe that trust should be synonymous with being naive. What the hell are you talking about Kahlil?! What I'm saying is that when I trust someone I don't negate the fact that they are human and that they can fuck up at any which moment. Trust is hoping you'd always use your better judgment, not ignoring the real possibilities.

You should never trust at the risk of being utterly stupid. The above photo is the infamous Mayeweather- Ortiz fight. This was a fight in which Ortiz blatantly headbutted Mayweather on about 3 occasions followed by a low blow. After the referee separates both men and deducting a point from Ortiz, Ortiz then wants to truce Mayweather with a dap. They dap once, but maybe Ortiz trusted that Mayweather wasn't too upset about his antics. He then leaves his hands down after the referee says time in thinking Mayweather would be a sport, but no. Mayweather sucker punches him as a receipt for his antics. Ortiz trusted that Mayweather was above that behavior and got knocked out. Do not be that guy, be honest with yourself don't be naive but give the benefit of the doubt. this was just a simple idea and i would love to know your thoughts on it.

Be Good

Strictly Business

Priorities are something else aren't they? I was having a conversation with someone yesterday and we covered a bunch of topics. The conversation eventually progressed into an idea of mine that sometimes in your life you have to make business type decisions. I love making analogies and i suppose this is one of them. I'm 23 years old, in my own mind I believe I'm building a brand. I'm building my brand. Right now is a whole lot of groundwork being put in which began with graduating college. At this stage in the game my eyes are open to opportunity, this is the time to do my dibbling and dabbling.

With all that being said, it is my belief that in life you have to have the wisdom to know what will give you the best opportunity to succeed at certain times. To be more clear I'm saying that there are times where you have to cut certain things or people from your life in order to handle business. By saying business I mean anything you're trying to achieve or any obligations that are asked of you. This whole life is about making keen adjustments. The older you get the less people will give a crap about your excuses. You have to figure out what sacrifices you have to make.

Making sacrifices isn't easy but they're necessary. You have to begin to pride yourself on thinking about what's good for the long term. Feelings may be hurt in the process, and you might even be down but fact remains you have big moves to make and some people aren't built to go on that same ride with you. There might be some reading this who have people around them stunting them from their full potential. For one reason or another you feel needed or that you shouldn't let them go and the truth is they are toxic for you.

Learn and embrace the fact that sometimes you have to adapt, and adapting might mean taking you out of your comfort zone. To that I say boohoo. I say that because I've had times in which I had to make tough decisions and seemingly lose people I deeply cared about for a bigger purpose. There was a method to my madness and my means justified my ends. I have always prided myself on making sound decisions. Your business decisions have no bias linked to them. They're based on fact. Think of your decision making as mathematics or science. Those things can be proven they're tangible and can;t be questioned. You know exactly what you're going to get when you make decisions from a business mindset. When you throw emotions into things, you can think of emotions as religion, any religion. In that case you're throwing hope and wishes and things that may not be promised into your decision making, which would cloud it. Don't be offended, but the fact is people question religion more than they would an equation; it;s a basic argument in philosophy. When you end up putting all that emotion into decisions regarding your own future it throws your own progress into question.

Just be open to change and be open to making the tough decisions to curtail certain things in order to get where you need to be. This was just something on my mind, leave your thoughts. Be good.

Bitch, You Wasn't Shooting With Me In The Gym! (Sorry I took so long)

So what do we see above? I'll caption this for you perfectly in a short story... enjoy. Above you see Vanessa and Kobe Bryant at a press conference. If I'm not mistaking this is taking place during the 03-04 season while the Lakers were pursuing an unprecedented 4th straight NBA championship. The Lakers were long time  my team. This particular season you would say that the Lakers had an all star starting line up and were a shoe in for their title. Their starting line up consisted of 4 sure fire first ballot hall of famers. We're talking about Kobe Bryant, Gary Payton, Karl Malone, and Shaquille O'Neal. If you didn't watch basketball you've still probably heard these names.

I've gone on this tangent to tell you that in the above photo Vanessa Bryant is supporting her man in the 03-04 season during a press conference where Kobe claims his innocence of a rape charge. Here's the catch, he said that the sex was consensual. Thus meaning he cheated on his wife who by the way was his high school sweetheart. Now Kobe married this woman without a pre-nup, and to that I say too bad.

You see up until this point it may seem like I'm rambling but I have a real problem right now. It's a shame enough guys don't agree with me but I really don't care. By now if you pay attention to hip hop music you've probably heard Drakes line in "Stay Schemin" in which he expresses his sorrow for the fact that his mans has to lose half of the bread he made while married. His words were eloquently said as "Bitch you wasn't shooting with me in the gym." That line was then repeated to make it even more emphatic. Now i love cursing and ignorance just as much as the next guy but that line says so much more. I'm trying to grasp how Kobe has become the victim here. I mean really how in the name of Jah is Vanessa wrong for leaving dude? Let me bring you up to speed. The word is that Kobe never stopped living the way he was living and Vanessa had enough (in a nutshell).

So a wife stays home has your children, helps raise them while you're gone for long periods but because she wasn't shooting with you in the gym she shouldn't be able to leave nor take half? you can miss me with that shit, that's completely asinine. Why in the world should she continue to stay in a situation in which she's being continuously  disrespected? I respect Kobe Bryant, he's an amazing professional but i can't respect his decision to continue to shit on his wife.

What not makes matters worse is that this song "Stay Schemin" had magnified the hood's ignorance. As far as i see it, if you don't want to lose 150 million beans then get your act right. That woman didn't mean enough to him, point blank. Now of course people with baby mama's who can't be promoted to working the drive through think they can act up just as bad. It's a problem to say the least, I think that line is just a microcosm of the ignorance many people possess; I'll simply say I'm not with it.


Only in this world would we view a woman as being a thief. You can say she owes Kobe everything she has and I would agree, but it doesn't give you the right to continuously play shorty for a fool. She took all she could and I for one take my invisible hat off to her. Spit all the clever rhymes and what not to score your hood brownie points, fact still remains that wifey still getting those 150 M's.

I'm back, be good.